i made one.
i’m not sure if i want to make it public. it’s kind of nice having something that’s mine.. all mine. i haven’t updated much on this blog because anytime i’ve felt like doing it i couldn’t help but feel like i was holding back somehow on writing something real and uncensored, just because others could see it. so why am i updating about having a new blog if i’m not publicizing it? to keep people speculating, since people seem to be so good at doing that these days.
But even if I were one, I wouldn’t have any balls.
Think about it.
For once I was able to get away from it all, and it felt nice.
I’m reminded of why I love him so much. I had a talk with my dad, who I was previously on rocky ground with, and he managed to reassure me about a lot of things and just make me feel much better than I’d been feeling lately. I love my dad, and I feel bad that I had any negative feelings towards him in the past couple of weeks.
I actually opened up about things I never thought I could talk about with him. I talked about grad school! Holy crap! I was thrilled to say the least. At some point, I asked him if he could teach me their (my parents’) regional language. He said he would, but then he suggested an idea to me that I had actually been considering for a very long time, and that idea was going to PI and immersing myself in the language. He would take care of everything as long as I was willing to do it. I told him I was totally willing, so there’s a good chance that I’ll spend a good half of the beginning of next year there. Eeeee!
And now, an excerpt from a patriotic Pilipino song (‘Bayan Ko’) that my dad felt was relevant to my life right now:
Ibon mang may layang lumipad
Kulungin mo at umiiyak
Bayan pa kayang sakdal dilag
Ang di magnasang makaalpas!
Translation to come.. when I’m not so sleepy.
UPDATE:
The translation (the only good one I could find on Google):
Even birds that are free to fly
Cage them and they cry,
Much more a beautiful country
Shall long to be free.
When my dad was explaining the song to me, or at least these lines, he gave a literal translation which was similar to the one above. He related and contrasted it to the English expression that says something along the lines of if you let something go and it comes back to you then you know that it was truly yours in the first place. I think these Tagalog lyrics are less trite than that English expression, and considerably more relevant to me.
my nerves have calmed and I just don’t feel like bitching anymore. Fuzz.
EDIT: Nevermind. I remember what I was going to say; Directed towards a specific family member, but certainly true for the general public: Eventually you’ll have to realize you can’t always be the good guy. You just can’t.
So give up the fuckin’ act. Christ.
Ever notice how some people just look like they’re from another planet? I’m not talking about “oh, you’re not like me so you’re DIFFERENT.” Nah. Within every race, there is like those handful of people that just don’t look anything like their respective race. Not to say all people of the same race look alike, but there are certain features that make it clear that person X is race Y. I’ve been thinking about this a lot because it bugs the shit out of me, but JA and I like to refer to these people as ‘alien faces.’ Call us shallow, if you must, but we call ‘em like we see ‘em and, well, we see alien faces.
They are among us.
This idiotic entry was brought to you by my stupid ass and the letters OMFG.
Okay, I’m going to try to make these next couple of entries just complete brain diarrhea. I don’t feel like spending a lot of time making each of these entries (relatively) perfect.
I got my first cell phone during my first year of college. It was purely out of necessity. My mother basically wanted to know where I was at all times. If I had it my way, like I’ve said many times before, I wouldn’t have one.. but I do see the importance of having one in emergency situations. Emergency situations is a very broad term for me since I have a big family and anything concerning them could potentially be an emergency.
Since my first year of college, I’ve gone through five phones. Five. I’m on my sixth phone right now. Granted two of those phones were just loaners until I got new phones. Of those phones, I was really only attached to one of them. When that one broke, I was devastated. I don’t like being devastated. I don’t like attachment. Especially to material things. You’re probably thinking, “You should take better care of your cell phone, AA.” Well, to you I say, “Cell phones should be sturdier.” And, “Fuck you.”
The thing I don’t like about cell phones: built-in obligation. Just because you call me doesn’t mean I have to call you back. Especially if you didn’t leave a message. If I call someone and don’t leave a message, it probably wasn’t important anyway. Don’t think I’m ignoring you (although sometimes this could be the case). Just because you ring doesn’t mean I have to pick you up, cell phone. I’ll pick you up when I damn well please.
I really just have no desire to be an on call friend. I have no desire to be that accessible.
Another thing I don’t like about cell phones: dependency. I hate feeling lost without a phone. When you have a phone, and then it suddenly turns up missing, a feeling of emptiness envelops you. I don’t need you, cell phone! You are the tool, not me!
People who drive while talking on cell phones, though, ARE tools. And they typically drive SUVS or some ridiculously massive vehicle.
Sigh. I loathe cell phones.
